Silkies is the name we have chosen for our System or inner family. At one time there were 57 of us, but we have done a lot of work since then. On two occasions we tried to force integration to please some of our treaters, even though we didn't really think it was the best approach. The first time we integrated down to 4, and the second time we integrated down to 6. Both times we de-integrated within a week. Then we just let everybody do what they felt comfortable with, and we integrated down to 9 of us, and remained stable for several months. Recent events have caused two of us to de-integrate, and we also found one new alter. Then we re-integrated as we expected, and we are back to 9. We can now see where things are going, and we think that we will probably be integrating down to four sometime in the not too distant future, and we are currently sorting out our feelings about that change.
11/9/98 - A few things have changed since we wrote the above. About three weeks ago we were in a car wreck, and had another split. Then a couple of weeks after that we experienced a really bad trigger having to do with our life at the Texas School for the Blind. That resulted in our being dissociated for almost a week, as well as a complete de-integration of the System. The most disquieting aspect of this has been that Stacey has reverted to calling herself "nothing." At this point we have no clue as to whether we will try to integrate again or simply try to switch smoothly and do some blending to increase functionality. There are now a total of 59 of us, but we are only going to describe the major players.
Carolyn, age 51, is the body name. She was the primary presenter and Protector from 1994 through part of 1996. Most adults will answer to her name, and most use her name in correspondence with people who are not comfortable with our multiplicity or who don't know that we are Multiple. She knows and does a lot of business and legal functions. Other than when she is doing those sorts of activities, she is seldom out. She is the true intellectual in the System, and she often works on the inside to help Faye or Barbara. She has harmed us on two occasions when she felt overwhelmed by events and that her concerns were not being taken seriously by the rest of us. She is very safe now.
Faye, age 51, is our primary presenter, and she has been since 1996. She is a people person, and has a lot of empathy for others. She is free with her emotions and ideas. She is generally calm and easy going, but she is not reluctant to voice her opinions when she feels that someone, whether a member of our System or not, is being treated unfairly. She is keenly aware of social injustice, and she has a low tolerance for it. If she becomes too outraged about something, she will happily go inside and let Barbara take care of the situation. She does most of our writing and computer work (yes, and it feels odd to write about myself in the third person, but that is what we agreed on), and she enjoys cooking, listening to music, dancing, socializing, softball, racquetball, and reading. She is psychologically minded, and watches over the rest of us to make sure that we get help if we are upset. She is quite spiritual, and she feels strong connections to God, the Earth, and other women. She harmed us three times when she became quite depressed and confused, and she tried once when a close friend committed suicide. She is fairly stable now, as she has been able to process her feelings in therapy, and she feels more optimistic. She is safer now because she has decided to ask for help when she needs it rather than act out her feelings.
Ray is 46, and he was our primary presenter until 1994. He also knows a lot of business matters, and sometimes helps Carolyn. He likes technical aspects of electronics and computers as well as motorcycles and scientific things in general, especially astronomy and geology. His memories cover a lot of our history, but he seems to have few details, and he says that most of what happened just went through him as if he was mostly a shell person. He is seldom out.
Barbara, age 23, is our Protector and main advocate. She still has a lot of rage about what has happened to us, and she uses that rage very effectively to defend us. When Faye becomes too upset about injustice, Barbara will have Carolyn work on the inside to formulate arguments, and she will present them. She is not willing to lose a confrontation, but interestingly, she works closely with Carolyn and Faye to examine whether we are actually right in our position, and whether we are getting too extreme. Working with them, she is open to listening to the opinions of others, and if we are mistaken, she is not afraid to admit it and make amends. She is tough and resilient, but she is not unfeeling. She is out occasionally, but usually only when her particular services are needed. She likes loud music, dancing, and intellectual discussions.
Diane is 23, and she is the hedonist in the family. She is sensual, very sexual, and she is often very self absorbed. She likes extremely loud music, dancing, and unsafe behavior. We sometimes call her the slut of the System when she goes too far. We have to keep her under a tight rein as she has gotten us into some situations which frightened everyone except Barbara, who had to come and clean up the mess she created. She has gotten better in her general behavior, and her acting out in particular, but we still have to be cautious when she starts making her presence known. She is out occasionally.
Lisa is 11, and she remembers a lot about our summers in Perryton with our paternal grandmother. She likes TV quiz shows, basic American cooking, and helping some of the younger kids write on the computer. She is seldom out, but she is fairly active on the inside, especially taking care of the other kids.
nothing (Stacey), age 8, has most of our memories of the abuse at the Texas School for the Blind. We are grateful to her for taking the abuse for us, and thereby enabling us to survive, but it saddens us that she had to endure such terror. She originally called herself "nothing," but a while back she finally felt well enough to take her present name. She was initially very dangerous, and she has tried to kill us on several occasions, and she has cut us a few times. We have done a lot of work with her, showing her that we care about her, and that we love her. She has learned that she doesn't have to be so afraid that she has to try to escape by hurting or killing the body. She is seldom out, but she sometimes gets quite frightened even when she is inside, and then she starts thinking about self destructive behavior. Thankfully, she just thinks and talks about it.
Candy is 5, and the alter we first found. Until we found her, we were able to deny our multiplicity, and we were definitely in major denial until that time. She was so complete and so present in our life that denial was no longer possible. She is a very gentle and sweet child, although she frightens easily. She loves toys, her doll, and especially her teddy bears whom she talks to every night when we go to bed. She enjoys playing with the child alters of other systems, writing to them on the computer with Lisa's help, and especially playing Rodent's Revenge (which she calls Feed the Kitty) on the computer. She is frequently out.
Katie is also 5. She is our core person, and everyone in our family will sacrifice anything to protect her. She is truly an innocent child. We are gradually, and very carefully, letting her know bits and pieces of our memories, but we are allowing her plenty of time. She is well adjusted, and we want her to stay that way. One day she will decide to start growing up, and there will be plenty of time for her to learn about our history. We think that she will probably eventually be our main presenter, and that the rest of us will usually stay on the inside to help her, or perhaps we will decide to integrate with her. Whatever we all do, there is time enough without rushing. She is seldom out, and then only when we are sure that she will be in a safe situation. She occasionally blends with Candy so that they can play together on the outside.
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